Walking Taco

Middle School Common Sense Meets the Israeli Right

My major achievement of today was convincing two seventh graders that I think a walking taco actually walks.

A walking taco, in case you are unaware (as I was until this afternoon) is a concoction that involves opening a bag of chips, such as Doritos (there is debate about whether you crunch up the chips before opening or not), inserting some kind of cooked meat such as ground beef or chicken, and then adding your traditional “Mexican” toppings. You do not remove the food from the bag. You’re supposed to eat the thing right out of the bag of chips with a fork or a spoon, turning yourself into a walking advertisement for this brand of chips and sparing your poor mother (or yourself) any dishes.

What, you ask, has this country come to? It gets worse, but that’s a column for another venue.

We had a half day today because the interminable standardized testing that has taken up six full days of our schedule, not to mention the days and days of prep, was on its last day. Yet at my school the kids do not all leave the building when the day is over, so I keep finding kids showing up in my room when I’m working (teachers have to stay until our normal clock out time of 3:45 even if the kids dismiss at 1:30. It’s okay, we have work to do!) In a normal school this would freak me out, but this school has a ton of after school programs and is very much a family place where everyone is related to everyone else, so apparently this is normal.

Two kids showed up saying they were waiting for another teacher. I tried to kick them out so they wouldn’t leave, which gave me the opportunity to teach an impromptu lesson on sit-ins. Two black kids had never heard of a sit-in. Sad. But anyway…

They were more interested in the walking tacos they planned to eat later.

“What is a walking taco?” I asked. They kindly explained.

“So does the taco actually walk?”

You can mess with seventh graders. Their concept of reality is not yet formed, so they will consider the possibility that a grown person thinks a walking taco walks.

These kids were quite alarmed. One said, “Miss, you an AI!” This is the second time that’s happened. Siri, we might be in competition for dates!

Eventually the kids ran out of the room, possibly convinced that I really do think a taco can walk. I think that tomorrow I may put up a poll asking who thinks a walking taco can walk and who does not.

This is becoming a blog about politics and pseudo-Mexican food with astonishing powers of locomotion.

While the name might indicate otherwise, anyone with some common sense can figure out that a walking taco does not walk, except in the mind of a stressed out middle school teacher.

It has been such with my thoughts on the war, from the beginning.

Many of my friends have amassed a tremendous amount of knowledge about the history of Israel, the ongoing conflict, and internal Israeli politics. Many have visited Israel and been troubled by the situation of the Palestinians. I respect all that.

But from October 7 on, when Hamas stated in public repeatedly that they planned to repeat the massacre over and over again until Israel was destroyed, it has seemed obvious to me that Hamas must be destroyed, completely, in order for Israel to survive. Who can live with that on their borders?

Time has shown that “ordinary Gazans” cheered Hamas when the hostages were released in those horrific spectacles meant to torture the Israeli people. “Ordinary Gazans” did not help the hostages - they hid them in their homes, where entrances to tunnels are in children’s bedrooms.

As many have said, it’s impossible to negotiate peace when the other partner does not want peace.

Which is why it seems obvious to me that my good-hearted, nice friends on the Left who still hope for a Two State Solution are as delusional as I would be if I expected the imminent arrival of taco that walks.

I found another Gadi Taub interview (you would do this kind of thing in your spare time too if you listened to literally screaming seventh graders all day. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, I can’t eat sugar, so how else am I going to unwind?). This one is short, at the Jewish News Syndicate International Policy Summit. It is worth watching.

I am no policy expert, at least on Middle East policy. But I do know a walking taco when I don’t see one.

The misunderstanding that a walking taco is not a taco with which you are supposed to walk but a taco that walks on its own would be classic of Gadi’s confusion with certain English phrases. In one clip I saw recently, he said “Parade Pride” meaning “Pride Parade.” I think that means that the noun must come in front of the adjective in Hebrew, at least in some cases. Is that right? Am I learning Hebrew?

Gadi, if you ever read this, feel free to quote me, in English or translate it into Hebrew. The two state solution is a taco that walks.