Steve, You Got This
A Splenda packet has words of encouragement for us all
Hi again Steve!
Thank you so much for the shout out in your blog article: Stories That Make Us Feel Less Alone. I was on my morning walk in the very, very cold, feeling anxious because due to snow days and there just not being enough available shifts this last week at the schools where I substitute teach, I had missed out on a lot of shifts and a lot of income. Subs don’t get paid when we don’t work, a phenomenon you understand all too well now since you don’t get paid when you don’t get Uber rides.
The last two weeks have been the slowest stretch for me in a long while, so your blog entry definitely cheered me up at an ideal time when I needed cheering! Thank you. Sharing our stories really does make us feel less alone.
I love how you talked about:
I’m no longer hiding anything from anyone, ashamed of where I’ve ended up. I’m not inside my head, cursing my bad luck and knocking back a shot of Scotch.
I never could handle Scotch, but I know how it feels to want to numb the misery with anything that will work fast. It is way better to share what’s going on and realize that you are among friends, even if we are friends you have not yet met.
My Splenda packet with my morning coffee wants to have a word with you:
I’m so glad that you’ve gotten a whole lot of new subscribers! You can see how much your experience speaks to others. I hope you keep blogging even as your economic luck improves.
If it is not too presumptuous, I would like to share a few things I’ve learned from my years of economic difficulty. I grew up in a fair amount of economic insecurity, so it wasn’t my first time around, and my first few jobs paid very little. But from my mid-twenties until my forties, I did well career and money-wise. The lessons I’ve learned in the difficult times might help others who are going through the same. And for those who are not, file them away. None of us are as far as we think we are from losing what we have.
I don’t mean this as advice. I don’t give advice unless asked, and even then I realize that everyone is different and what works for me may not work for anyone else. Since we have not met - but I hope we will! - I would not presume to know anything about your situation other than what you shared in your posts. So this is just a short collection of my observations from my own experience of being pretty darn broke and without the identity that came with a career I loved:
Who I am is not defined by what I do for pay. It is really wonderful when I love what I do and find meaning and purpose in work that pays me, but even if I don’t, I’m still me. Writing helps me keep my values and sense of purpose, no matter what I’m doing to pay the bills.
Actually making even one person feel better, helping one person learn something, or just brightening someone’s day is much more fun than having a fancy-sounding job that doesn’t touch anyone else’s reality. My twenty year first career as a union organizer and leader was wonderful, and made a big impact on a lot of people’s lives, but since then, I’ve done a few jobs that paid decently but really didn’t do much worthwhile. I’d much rather put a smile on a seventh grader’s face with a smiley face glitter star sticker than write reports that no one reads or put on events that no one cares that much about.
There is nothing intrinsically good about the poor, the rich, or the in between. There’s nothing to idealize in one and demonize in another. I’d rather be a good person who can pay the rent without stressing about it than a good person whose life energy is being eaten by financial anxiety, but I wasn’t a better person when I had more or less money. There is a tendency on the Left to love the poor and hate the rich, and sometimes on the Right to do the opposite. I wasn’t a better person or a worse person as my bank account numbers went up and down. People do what they do for a complex set of reasons. Having been without economic security has made me less judgmental of everyone, at all ends of the economic ladder.
I became more conservative as a result of my experience living and teaching public school in the middle of urban poverty. I’m more concerned about public safety because I am the public who is in danger, and my students have all lost family members to gun and gang violence. Things look different from my front row seat to urban dysfunction than they do to a person who lives safely in the suburbs. I’d like to see my city actually prosecute crimes like fare evasion on public transit, shoplifting and carjacking. That might not go over well with progressives who don’t want to see anyone arrested for anything, but it doesn’t do poor people any favors when we can’t safely ride transit, drive at night in our neighborhood, or shop in stores because the stores have closed down due to shoplifting.
Making friends is really hard, but very important. I don’t know how I’d have gotten through the last few years without my closest friends, who have been there for me when I’ve been really scared, frustrated and downright miserable. Everyone needs friends with whom we can be real, but especially when we are going through a hard time and don’t have the cushion of a prestigious title and a good paycheck.
A low cost, home cooked meal shared by friends, or a potluck, is so much more fun than going out to a fancy place, drinking expensive cocktails and wondering the next day if it was worth all that money. Some of my best evenings have cost about $20 to feed four people. I can post some recipes! Never underestimate the value of hot dogs and hamburgers, mashed potatoes, and even the occasional box of Stove Top stuffing, something I learned from a friend who has spent a lot of time rich in friends and poor in cash. Homemade cupcakes are a great birthday gift (as long as your friend is not watching their carbs!) and cost very little.
When in doubt, add some glitter and some stars!
I’m a middle school teacher. I know.
You got this, Steve! It’s going to be okay. It really is. People have told me that when it was just not okay, and there are definitely times when things are not good. I despise those people who say, “Have a great day!” because it’s not realistic to think that every day will be great. But when you’ve had some very bad, very scary times, okay is… okay.
