Sit Down Lunch at Wendy's

Reflections on Class, Economic Hardship, and Restaurants

When I was young, I resented how much money my father and step-mother spent dining out. They were foodies and wineies, they worked hard and made good money, and they enjoyed nice restaurants. My mom didn’t do as well economically, though she had one and then two PhDs and worked three jobs my whole childhood. I was always thinking of how much it would help my mom and me to just have the money from one of my dad and step-mother’s dinners out.

As a grown up (I suppose, as Sticker Ladies go) I understand a little more. I have more empathy in general. It makes me averse to “Eat the rich” or “Let the poor die” views of the world. We all do what we do for reasons.

Now, I love to unwind with a good meal after a long week. However, I can’t afford it at this time, so for the most part I do not. I never get takeout (except for an exception to be described), and I cook my meals from scratch at home. I pack my lunch every day for work and love that teachers do not have going out to lunch rituals that cost money. Remembering a job I had where most of the staff would order sandwiches that cost $17 to $21 and eat them on the office building roof desk, I am more comfortable in the teachers’ lounge with my kale salad, yogurt, and turkey dogs.

Though I do remember at that nonprofit, when I didn’t have enough money to eat while I had to travel for work (there was no per diem and while I was not paid badly, I was digging myself back from a financial hole and had not yet gotten a reserve to spend on meals on the road), one of my more well-off colleagues insisted on giving me about $35 in cash and brought me two six packs of my beloved Diet Coke. She was an angel, then and on many other occasions. One thing you really appreciate when you are in an economic tough spot is the people who have resources and just help out, without demanding a moral accounting of all your past sins and whether or not you deserve a hamburger. If that person is ever in trouble, I’d drive to pick her up and take her to Wendy’s, for sure!

My dad is gone now, and my mom and I don’t have much. But we really enjoy our time together. Mom hasn’t been able to get out much lately, so when I went to see her today, we decided to go out to lunch at one of my childhood favorites: Wendy’s.

It brought back memories of how I would ride the activity bus to the small college library where my mom was head librarian. She worked until 9 pm at least one night a week. We’d grab a snack when she picked me up from the activity bus, then I’d go to the library and do my homework, then read the books! And you wonder how I became a teacher of words! After work, we’d stop by one of our two favorites: Wendy’s or Taco Bell.

Back then, in the 1980’s, Wendy’s had a salad bar, a baked potato bar, and even a hot pasta bar! I loved the salad bar, and would eat a very healthy meal. Mom loved baked potatoes, and today she got one at Wendy’s. I splurged on a single with cheese combo. I know I’m supposed to be losing weight but it was a once in a great while fancy lunch out with my mom. Consider it a holiday. I’ll probably skip dinner tonight or just eat vegetables.

When you’re down on your economic luck, I suggest that it can be good to find inexpensive ways to have fun, especially family fun. I’ve often written about how my mom and I love a meal at the Olive Garden. For those who are so inclined, the dollar store offers many pleasures, such as $1.99 scented shower gels in scents ranging from cucumber green tea to pomegrante mango to coconut oatmeal. I’d like to find a banana shower gel but haven’t seen one yet. Things you could get for a lot of money you can often get for much less.

When my friends who are making more money take me out to lunch or dinner, I may appreciate the experience more than someone who has always had money. Chit chat with the server, checking out the fancy bathroom, and of course eating good food is all delightful.

People who have money sometimes moralize about the poor, saying they should not enjoy any pleasures. This is absurd. I do not deny that poverty can be a result of a series of bad decisions, but no one can suffer all the time. When you’re trying to build your way back, treating yourself along the way can actually improve your ability to do what it takes to get into a better position, both financially and spiritually.

Being economically insecure is a grind. You stay up at night running the numbers to pay the bills. You drive around desperately thinking about how to scare up some cash. On the one hand, you can be afraid to spend any money, even on things you objectively need like a dental cleaning or necessary car work. On the other hand, if you get some money, the built up pressure can make it hard to resist doing something that costs money but feels oh so good, like going for a meal and having two glasses of wine. It’s just hard.

People with money are not always better able to plan, but they usually are. The Rich Dad, Poor Dad phenomenon. Rich dads tend to teach their children how to stay out of credit card debt, pay for things up front, always save a large portion of what they earn, etc. Poor kids don’t necessarily learn that. Kids who float in and out of economic instability probably have the worst set up.

Today, many schools teach financial literacy. It used to be just, “Get a good education, get a good job, and it will all be fine.” These days, that may not be enough. You may lose the job. You may become sick or injured, or your spouse, child or parent may. You may be laid off like our friend Steve. An unforeseen health challenge may wreck your life.

When I have money, I try to help others who need it. There are a lot of folks in my neighborhood who struggle to make it, and I’ve paid decent sums for help with things like installing an air conditioner in summer or setting up a bed frame. A nice thing about this neighborhood is that we do help each other out. I’ve gotten many an item off the free table and put many an item out there. Some people are probably very happily wearing my old clothes and shoes. I hope someone looks good in a pair of heels I put out a few months ago.

Romanticizing economic insecurity is just stupid. No one is better when they are poor or better when they are rich. It seems to me that both extremes can bring out the worst in people. I know I am much nicer to be around when I have a cushion in my bank account than when I don’t. But after some time, knowing you can get through it does help.

A friend of mine who has always lived pretty small time is coming for our mostly weekly dinner tonight. Usually I cook but after a long trip to and from my mom’s I’m not up to it, so I picked up Wendy’s for him. He sends me the cash. We are both in positions where it would not make sense for me to subsidize dinner and he does not cook so he doesn’t have me over. Besides, he has to visit Loviefluffy.

On my way to Mom’s I went to Wegman’s, my favorite grocery store. While you can get very expensive things there, I buy their store brands which are both excellent and inexpensive, a very good value. I’ll be making up my chicken veggie soup for the week and I’m set to pack my school lunches.

My father used to love Wegman’s. He did not bargain shop. Sometimes I feel his spirit in his beloved cheese section. A retired professor, he liked to celebrate my visits by buying Professor’s Brie. It was expensive, but for him it was like slaughtering the fatted calf for the return of the prodigal son. I took it as a gesture of love.

And I love brie.

I miss my dad a lot. Someday, I do believe we will eat brie together in heaven