New city, new job, new cat, new life

New beginnings

Flashback 1997.

I was in my first single girl apartment, after a year and a half on the road with the AFL-CIO Organizing Institute and some sketchy unions that need not be named but where people were either doing cocaine or even more illegal things. I had knocked on a lot of doors, been told I could only organize “professionals” (said in a super derisive tone by someone who did not realize that professionals are where the power is) and spent many a night crying in a car, but I made it.

I took a job with the nurses’ union in New Jersey, got an apartment, and there was only one thing missing.

I found that one thing in the evening on October 13, 1997.

A small, starving baby gray tabby with long legs, big ears and THUMBS! Kieffer Andrew jumped into my arms in the K-Mart parking lot and became my first cat of my own. He lived to be 16, when he died of cancer. He was much loved, and well taken care of by his step-father MR who did not love him but did a great job caring for him while I was away working. I used to travel for work all the time.

When I look back on those days in my twenties, they were some of the happiest days of my life. What were the elements that made them so?

— A job where I was engaged, felt supported by leadership, was driven by the mission, but was not driven insane by internal politics.

— A cat!

— Working out regularly. It was the first time I did serious lifting and I felt great.

— A small but tight knit group of friends who did fun things together.

— A boyfriend here and there, but no one who took up all my time or attention. I had a strong sense of self that I later seem to have misplaced.

I had quite a bit of balance, though I worked very hard. Finances were not great as I made very little money but I was able to basically make it. I had more ability to tolerate things like lack of sleep back then, as I was young. I couldn’t do that anymore, but I also have wisdom now that I didn’t then.

Being mission driven but not driven to insanity. Having friends who are fun and close but not too, too close.

One of the most important people in my life was my first Organizing Director, Larry, who was a wonderful friend and mentor. He supported me so well, recognized what I could do, and really cared about me as a person. He was secure enough in his own accomplishments that he didn’t need or want the spotlight. He was happy when we won. He was helpful.

I didn’t drink much back then. I’d have cocktails when the girls went out on weekends and someone else was driving, but I didn’t drink during the week. I remember a period of time when I tried having a beer at night, and found I woke up depressed and sluggish. So I stopped. My workouts and happiness were more important. It would be a while before trauma on the level of a brain injury hit.

My friends got married and had kids. I went on to be entirely career driven and have some big accomplishments at a very young age. I didn’t have some of the protective factors that I didn’t realize would have helped later on… strong family network, a spouse or partner, closeness to community. I was very involved in church but that never really seemed to provide community. People in the liberal Protestant church were always half in and half out, like it was some kind of play we were playing.

Still, those were great times. I decorated for the seasons. I got Kieffer a wife, a beautiful tuxedo who I named Katherine. They loved each other until she died of diabetes suddenly at age seven. He grieved. He slept under my desk in a basket for months.

This season reminds me of all of it because October 13 was Kieffer’s Finding Day.

Loviefluffy is a much easier cat, a “good Kitty” as it were, and I love her so much. I still have dreams though that Kieffer is alive and that I have to protect him.

It is good to look back on what times were best, when things worked, to figure out what might work in future. I know a great deal about what doesn’t work for me. Perhaps examining what does can be instructive.