Mother's Day

Why we don't celebrate it at school

A happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there. I hope you are having a good one. I know it can be complicated. For those who have lost children, whose children are struggling or estranged, and for those who have lost mothers and grandmothers and mother figures this year, it might not be a good day.

I was blessed to be with my mom yesterday. We celebrated on Saturday because she serves a church so she works on Sunday. She is taking her well deserved nap now. We met at the church where our old landlady and dear friend, Jean, was the pastor until she died of cancer at age 66, only five months after diagnosis. Jean owned a Christmas tree farm where my mom lived for years and I lived for two years. A memorial tree from that farm was planted in the church yard, in the low hills of southeastern Pennsylvania, overlooking an old cemetery. The tree was tiny when it was planted soon after Jean died in 2020, but now it’s growing into a real tree. It looks lonely as the only tree in a blank yard, but my mom says it will soon start to send out seeds that may turn into other trees. I went out and petted the tree. I miss the Christmas trees so much. It’s funny how I felt so isolated out there on the farm from 2018 to 2020, but now that I’m back in the city I long for the quiet of forty-four acres of trees.

With seventh graders screaming in my ear all day on weekdays, I long for quiet most of the time.

We do not talk about Mother’s Day at my school. No one said anything in particular about it… no announcement that we don’t talk about it. We just don’t. On my way out after school was long over and the kids were gone, I wished two of my teacher colleagues a happy Mother’s Day. One has a three year old and one has a beautiful rescue cat. We don’t mention it around the kids.

I don’t know the family history of many of my students as I just got there in April, but I know enough to know that many have lost their mothers. Mothers are dead, mothers are in jail, mothers are just absent. They live with a grandparent or someone else. The ripped apart families explains so much of why the kids are the way they are.

Many of my friends’ families have been torn apart by drugs, or by the prohibition system that makes drug use a crime and thus so dangerous. Some of my favorite moms are dealing with loss, stress and struggle. I saw a close friend on Friday evening who cares for her former partner who is dying of zylazine poisoning, gradually. She has been off drugs for more than eight years and works two jobs while finishing her college degree, but still makes time to care for him. He has no one else. In some ways he is like her child… she gets nothing back, and will probably find him dead one day. I told her that her love reminds me of the warrior moms I know who fight for their children, no matter what.

My little girl is easy. She’s a sweet cat, asleep on my bed. We had a nap after zen and she slept on my feet. She makes me so happy every day, and I can’t stand to spend a night without her. One of my friends was (joking, I’m sure) when he said, “Throw that cat out.” I almost cried. She’s been with me through all kinds of difficult times, and she’s a comfort when humans are not. She would never abandon me and I would never abandon her.

I think about the mothers of the soldiers in the IDF, and of the hostages, and of those who have died. I wonder if Mother’s Day is a thing in Israel. Ah, just found out that it’s now celebrated in the Hebrew month that usually lands around February and it’s now Family Day and celebrates all family members. How nice.

I’m a little sad because I have to go back to work tomorrow. I want to be happy to go back, like I was at first. I pray to be of some help to the children, to at least give some of them a boost in a world that is stacked against them. Where for most of them, their own behavior is putting them into a trap. Sometimes I can only turn to G-d for help. I don’t have an answer. I can only make so much of a difference, but at least I want to be a force for good.

So I’ll try to get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow is another day.

My friend found this duck’s nest. The mama is taking care of the eggs but had gone off to get some food. Soon her babies will hatch. Birds tend their nests so carefully. Maybe I should think of my students as baby birdies. Loud, demanding, but lovable. I hope they will grow up and fly away to somewhere better.