Make a Freakin' Decision

Or: One of the Biggest Wasters of Your Emotional and Mental Energy

Have you ever made a decision? Of course you have. Should you marry or divorce this person, take or leave this job, move away, buy that keto ice cream that looks weird but claims to have zero carbs? You’ve made decisions. How did you do it?

Did you think about it over and over again, running through the possible scenarios in your mind? Talk it through with a whole bunch of people? Decide to go one way then decide to go the other? Change your mind over and over again, annoying all your friends in the process?

Change Anything would like to offer this piece of advice: Make a decision.

Decision energy is one of the biggest wasters of your mental and emotional energy.
Going back and forth if you are rethinking the same points and same scenarios
is not only a waste of time, it actually clouds your mind.

Talking it over with people is also often not the best course of action. Unless they have information you need, such as the price of tea in China if you are planning to invest, you are more likely to be swayed by what they want you to do than what you actually want and need to do. This is especially true for us hyper-empathic people pleasers. An issue I’m working on.

So here is a suggested course of action on how to make a decision:

1. Identify what you are actually deciding on. Are you deciding on staying at or leaving a particular job, or are you deciding if you want to work a 9-5 W-2 or freelance? Are you deciding if you really want to be married to this person, or if you really want to be married at all? Are you deciding if you really want to buy tofu or if you really want to be a vegetarian in the first place?

2. Gather information. Do actual research. Find reputable sources, not any idiot on the internet. Ask people who actually know, not your closest friends, and please not your family.

3. Meditate. It doesn’t have to be formal. I sky gaze for at least ten minutes morning and ten minutes evening, staring into the sky and contemplating vastness. This is a technique from a very old Eastern tradition. Walk around and let your mind clear. Sometimes listening to music or exercising can be a kind of meditation. But don’t try to make the decision while you do whatever meditation you do. Just let your mind flow.

4. Finally, flip a coin. Tell yourself one way is heads and the other is tails. See how you feel when the coin comes up. That tells you how you really feel.

5. Go with what you really want.

I’ve had a very rough path, including several near-death experiences, to learn that if I don’t live the life I want to live, I’ll become self-destructive. For me, the process is quick and alarming. For most, though, it’s slow. I have seen so many people live lives they were miserable in, spending the days at work slogging away and the nights drinking or eating to excess, watching TV or getting addicted to the news and social media. Escaping. Obesity, diabetes, cirrhosis, slow forms of suicide all follow.

Ask yourself: what do I want, vs. what does my family, spouse, employer, generalized vision of society, want. Only when you can truly answer that question will you be able to make decisions quickly and easily.