In the beginning there was the Cat.

A Fluffy Creation Story for All.

In the beginning there was the Cat, and the Cat was with G-d, and the Cat was the Goddess.

Through the Cat all things were made, though they did not know it.

On the seventh day, just as the catnip and cat grass plants had grown to proper height and fish had begun to multiply in the seas and mice scurried about the earth, G-d realized G-d needed a companion. The companion would be loving, but not obedient. The companion would not need Commandments, but would know what to do at all times.

G-d did not want something G-d could control. G-d did not want a slave. G-d longed for a companion who would give love freely, of her own will. So G-d created Cat.

The first Cat was very fluffy. G-d knew that from the fur of the first Cat would spring all Cats, so G-d created the fluffiest Cat ever to walk G-d’s creation.

The first Cat was very sleepy when she first came into being, in a beautiful garden full of mice to catch and trees to climb and claw. The garden was right next to a sea, filled with delicious fish for the Cat to catch and eat. G-d knew that the way of life is that of predator and prey, and the Cat would be the great predator. Someday, when G-d despaired of G-d’s later creations called humans, G-d would send them Cats to save them from their sadness.

G-d brushed and brushed and brushed the fluffy first Cat with the divine furninator. Miles and miles of fur came from the first Cat, and from the pieces of fur sprung up new Cats. Of the first Cat G-d did not create just one more Cat, but many, many Cats, to rule the earth in peace and harmony with the rest of creation.

The new Cats jumped and played together. They chased mice and caught fish. They loved their mother the first Cat and snuggled up against her warm fur that regenerated no matter how much G-d brushed her. The cats of today are like the first Cat in that their fur continues to grow even as we brush them, pretending we are G-d.

G-d knew that strife and sickness and fear would soon come to the earth in the form of humans, but for a little while, G-d wanted to live in piece with G-d’s companion.

So G-d went to the garden and sat next to a beautiful, freshly clawed tree in a patch of catnip.

The first Cat crawled upon G-d’s lap and G-d petted her. G-d knew peace.

And on the seventh day, before humans drew breath, the first Cat purred.

And G-d purred too.