I saw my father in the cheese section.

Of food, family, politics and gratitude

“April, I am your father,” came the ghostly voice from the brie display.

Actually, that didn’t happen, but it may as well have. Wegman’s was my father’s favorite place in the last several years of his life, and the one I go to near my mom’s house is laid out just like the one in Chapel Hill, North Carolina where he lived. We used to go together and I’d run around and pick up all the items on the list because I knew where they were.

Dad described his retirement job as cooking for my step-mother. He loved to cook, and buying fresh ingredients, reading recipes, and creating delicious and beautiful meals for my step-mother was his great joy. He loved to grill, and took some risks doing so once he had to use an oxygen tank full time. I’m really glad he didn’t blow himself up!

Mom and I went to the Olive Garden for lunch in the same shopping center as the Wegman’s. It’s a step up from Wendy’s! We love the Olive Garden. I feel bad for the people who sneer at it. It’s such an accessible place, with reasonable prices for good, fresh food. You go there and white, black and other people are all eating their meals with their families in peace. No one is screaming or cursing or beating each other up. Of course it’s not South Philly real Italian food - it’s not supposed to be. It has a parking lot! It’s near big box stores! The servers are always so nice. Ours was a young mother of two. We chat with them and get to know them and leave big tips in cash. The servers work hard. Since we don’t order alcohol, we really don’t spend much money at all.

Today we tried the new light menu. It has traditional dishes in about half portions. I had chicken parmigiana and mom had eggplant.

Apparently these were added as a response to customers who no longer want to eat the giant portions they serve on the regular menu. I love it! With a salad it was more than enough for me.

We get there as soon as it opens when it isn’t crowded and take our time.

I guess that gratitude is a major theme these days. I listen to people around me complain all the time about “the state of things.” I don’t see the point in making oneself miserable all the time. My life is far from easy, but you know what I’ve noticed? It actually gets much harder when I complain about it and focus on the negative. Doing something about a situation is way better than complaining about it. If it is possible to leave a dangerous job or a bad relationship, one should. If it is possible to become politically active around an issue that troubles one, one should become active. Posting on Facebook does not help.

Speaking of, I think one of my formerly close friends unfriended me on Facebook. I note that he hasn’t responded to my email saying that Georgia passed away. He knew and loved Georgia. I wonder why we are no longer “friends.” I fear it may be perceived political differences, which is a pretty pathetic reason to end a friendship, especially if you don’t tell the other person. Oh well. Maybe I’ll write him a follow up email. I don’t really want to just let it go unless he tells me he’s mad about… something. We live states away from each other, but had dinner together last fall when he was in town on business. I almost never sever connections, and I’m upset when I lose someone who has been important to me. Or really anyone. I’d be crushed if I found out that the early morning grocery store cashier at the Conshohocken Giant grocery store passed away. I loved her… every week we’d chat about her grandchildren. When I came back after years away, we picked right up… much to the perplexitude of my friend, who said, “I’ll just wait in the car.”

I’m grateful that my car was fixed and I was able to drive to meet my mom. Grateful that my mom is still with us and able to get out and drive. Sad that Georgia has gone, but I know she is in heaven waiting for us. Grateful for the Olive Garden meal and nice atmosphere and sweet server. Grateful for Wegman’s and how Dad would use my visits as an excuse to buy the expensive Professor’s Brie. Like killing the fatted calf!

Grateful that I made it home safely and got to take I-76 the whole way home and listen to podcasts to catch up on Gadi and Mike and my favorite Constitutional law experts. Grateful for a very nice afternoon tea with my Zen teacher, whom I hadn’t seen in a while.

I’m hoping to find a church home, one where I can worship, build community, serve those in need, maybe even teach middle school Sunday school! I’d like to find one where we don’t talk about politics, where I don’t know how people voted because it’s not what we are there for. It’s so nice to be around people who can have a discussion that does not draw lines in the sand.

When I went to the opening dinner for SAT prep teachers at the company owner’s beautiful home, we didn’t talk politics at all. We talked about the students, the SAT, people’s kids, people’s cats, our other jobs (most of us are teachers or retired teachers), the LSAT, dogs (The head reading teacher has a giant dog! He brought his charming girlfriend who told us all about the antics of their 77 pounds of love and mischief!) We enjoyed amazing homemade Korean food and the breathtaking view from her glassed in porch up in the trees. I have no idea how anyone votes and I don’t care.

My friend the Socialist came for dinner on Saturday night. I’m his only in person friend and I try to make him a home-cooked meal every other week or so. This week I fried twelve sausage links from the farmer from Lancaster and made potatoes on the side. I ate one sausage, he ate the rest. He managed to consume a stick of butter with the meal, which is pretty typical.

Last time he was over, he went on a rant about how he thinks everyone who has ever traded stocks is a criminal. I asked if he really wants to live in a third world country. I never understand how people who literally live off other people’s tax dollars can want to kill or imprison those whose wealth makes their lives possible.

I got quite annoyed, and he did apologize for bringing it up. This week, we carefully stayed away from economics or politics. I had a good enough time. I need friends with whom I have more interesting conversations though. And who like more interesting food. Memories came up a few days ago of the dinner parties my college roommate and I used to have. We’d make bruschetta with fresh basil, salads with arugula, pizzas from this really great recipe I found with balsamic vinegar, and desserts. I remember one time when my roommate pulled me into the kitchen and said, “I don’t mean to alarm you, but I’m afraid you put basil in the salad.”

That wasn’t the worst problem we had. There was the time when two of my computer science friends came over. I got very into CS in the aftermath of the First David Fiasco. Of the two friends who came to dinner, one was a very big fellow. Unfortunately, our dining room chairs were not very sturdy. In the middle of a story of some kind, this young man found himself on the floor, as his chair had collapsed.

Lucky for me, I was on my way to the kitchen to get the next course, so I turned on the sink and laughed. My roommate was left out there to handle this disaster. She assured them that the chairs were old and destined to break at the slightest provocation. Somehow we all survived that night.

We loved to cook and entertain. We used to have dessert parties with many cakes, pies and cookies, and a pot of coffee with some spirits on the side. We were not big drinkers at all in college. Our little place was packed and people would refuse to leave… we called it “The Vortex.”

I should have known that things would not work out with my ex because he doesn’t like to cook and entertain. It’s my favorite thing. I love to spend Saturday going to the farmers’ market to get fresh ingredients, preparing dishes, cleaning and serving a lovely meal to friends. I rarely get to do it as I have so few friends close by, but L and her husband come over sometimes. I hope they can come for July Fourth. Last year I made farmers’ market hot dogs and homemade fries.

Just a lot of random thoughts today. The sun is going down on this longest day of the year.

There is plenty of sad. I miss Georgia. I worry about Mom. I worry about money and what I’m going to do that is a secure job with benefits where I can do work that helps people and matches my values instead of forcing me to go against them. That’s a tall order these days.

SAT prep starts on Friday. I will be working six days a week and driving an hour each way, plus doing other work on the side. I’ll be tired but it’s so energizing to work with these most wonderful kids on earth. I never stopped thinking about my students from last year, what they were doing and where they would go in life. The future leaders of this country. I was telling a teacher friend today: some people are there to make money. Others are there to get the kids’ SAT scores higher. I’m there to make the leaders of the future. And I tell them that. Nothing less.

Want to get a room full of Indian-American fifteen year olds to say, “NO WAY!!” Tell them that one of them has to run for President of the United States.

It will be fun.

God is good, and wanting what you have is better than having what you want. There are so many things that we think we want, only to realize that we didn’t really. So many things we have that we don’t appreciate until they are gone. I won’t be like that. Every moment is a gift. Nothing is guaranteed.

Except death and taxes. So I must get to writing.

“It’s 8:20 am on a Tuesday. Do you know what your tax dollars are paying for?”

I support the parents of Lower Merion, who are trying to get an opt-out of Chromebook usage for their kids. Go parents! Let me know how I can help!

Don’t whine. Thank God, assess the situation, take action.

And give the Olive Garden another try. You may like it.