"Have you ever considered becoming a salamander?"

From the files of "What Miss?" AND pumpkin chili!

It was a long week with many good moments. This week I’ve taught kids in every grade from 7 - 12 at two different schools. 7, 8 and 9th are my favorites, though the older kids are fun too and can be easier. I’m sufficiently embedded at my favorite schools now that they know me. It’s so sweet to hear the kids yell “Ms. Smith!!!” when they see me.

One of my favorite seniors saw me and yelled, “It’s the sticker lady!” Then she asked, in a very grown up way, “Is it okay if I call you Sticker Lady?” By all means, I replied, I’d be honored. I love watching them grow up while still being kids.

One of the days I was in a class of fairly calm 10th graders. When there’s not a fire to put out, like a play fight that could turn into a fight (and play fighting merits a call to the Dean!) or kids doing other things they aren’t supposed to do, I try to engage the kids in conversation. So I asked the girl right in front of me:

“Have you ever considered becoming a salamander?”

”WHAT MISS?”

All good conversations start that way.

“Have you ever considered becoming a salamander? You know, a cute little lizard. Sit on a tree branch, soak in some sun, eat bugs? Sounds good to me.”

She thought for a moment, clearly giving the question the consideration it deserves.

“Is that even possible?” she asked.

“I don’t think so,” I answered, “But I asked if you’d considered it, not if it was possible.”

That sunk in for a moment. Moments are quick with kids this age.

“Yeah, I think I’d like that,” she said. “I wonder if they’ve thought about it,” she mused, gesturing toward a group of very tall boys at the next table over.

“Why don’t you ask them?”

“Hey guys, have you ever thought about being a salamander?” she yelled at the boys, interrupting their conversation about whatever.

“WHAT THE F*7&( are you talking about?” one young man exclaimed. I laughed.

“Look, even the teacher is laughing!” he said, as though that proved that the young lady was certifiably out of her mind.

"It was her idea!” she said, in her defense.

“It was,” I backed her up, never one to leave my kids hanging out there in front of their peers. “Have you considered it? Eat bugs, sit in the sun…”

“IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?” The guys were clearly quite taken aback by this conversation.

“She didn’t ask if it was possible,” said the girl. “She asked if you’d considered it.”

See, they get the hang of it very quickly.

I can’t recall if the boys decided to enlist in the salamander army or not. They did think about it and we got onto the topic of tarantulas. It was a delightful conversation.

No one could accuse me of being a boring teacher.

Today at the water fountain at another school, I saw a kid refill his water bottle and take a very long drink from it.

“Are you a cactus?” I asked.

“WHAT MISS?”
”I was just wondering if you are a cactus, as you are obviously very thirsty. Perhaps you’ve been in the desert a long time.”

He thought for a moment.

“No, I’m not a cactus Miss.”

“Okay, have a great rest of your day!” I said cheerily and disappeared into the staff bathroom.

Later I had a group of kids who were pretty chill, and I was chatting with them. I said, “I saw a kid at the water fountain and asked him if he was a cactus. He wasn’t though.”

“That was me,” said the young man in front of me a row.

“Ah! You’re not a cactus! I say weird things to make sure people are awake,” I explained. These were eleventh graders. They can understand.

“It’s true, I wasn’t paying attention but I was really awake after that,” the boy said.

“See, you’re awake and alert now!”

It’s working.

Sometimes I wish I had a full time teaching job. I love being a part of a team, and the more that I am at one school or the other, the closer I feel to being an actual part of the team. But when there is a staff meeting I’m not going, and at the end of the day I leave not knowing when I’ll be back.

I also have infinitely less authority as a sub. I have no authority at all, and while I make that work quite admirably if I do say so myself, sometimes it would be nice to be able to back up directions with real consequences. I do not work in places where the kids obey anyone merely because they are teachers or adults. Some of the kids will actively, intentionally disobey authority figures regardless of whether that is in their own interest or not. Occasionally it has crossed into things that might be called disorders, though I am skeptical of that label. But overall it’s just a part of the culture. There may be some reverence for some authority figures, but definitely not for this little white lady with no power to hand out demerits, correctives, or even cupcakes.

If I had my own students I’d make them cupcakes. That’s a promise.

Meanwhile, exhausted after a long workweek and a very cold walk, I came home and made one of my favorites: pumpkin chili! Here’s the recipe, which I may have posted before but I will post again for you new people or those just feeling like pumpkin chili in this chilly season!

1 pound humanely raised ground beef, browned

1 can diced tomatoes

1 can tomato sauce

1 large can unsweetened pumpkin

chili powder, garlic powder, salt and if you have it, Creole spices from the cute little shop that was owned by a lovely couple, a woman from Haiti and a man from West Philly, before it closed

one bell pepper, I used a yellow one

the juice of one to two lemons, to taste

Mix this all up, heat and serve. I topped it with shredded cheddar. So good.

You could add beans if you want, but don’t tell Dr. Feinman… and tune into Dr. Feinman’s blog soon for a blow by blow account of our recent argument about beans!

This pumpkin picked up on the “break script” theme and is doing something weird!!