Gadi Taub and Mike Doran on how to make right wing hot

With all due respect to their wives, of course!

Even I think my crush on Gadi Taub is a little silly, but hey, it’s inspirational! When I’m feeling down, worried that I’ll never get out of here, and wondering how to best live my life to improve the world while making a living, I can always escape into Israel Update!

I’ve been following Mike’s Twitter feed lately, as it is in English and has a ton of great stuff. I can’t read Gadi’s in Hebrew (though I do watch the videos) but I can read Mike’s. Mike, for those of you who somehow do not know, is the co-host of Israel Update and is an expert in Middle East policy. He is probably the best informed person in the US, and he is also one of the funniest. He’s not Jewish, though he frequently gets accused of being a “weak diaspora Jew.” He and Gadi have wonderful discussions and banter and every once in awhile, Gadi’s cat steals the show.

Conservative Zionists may not be every girl’s cup of tea, but considering my current political shift (especially on Israel and please don’t call me a fascist, that term has lost all meaning and is a bit unfriendly) and the fact that I like bad ass men with swagger, I’d say that in my current estimation these are the two hottest guys in the world.

With all due respect to their wives, of course.

(Note: I’ve always thought it a compliment when someone said my current man was hot. I never took offense. Then again, I don’t do jealousy. Just not my thing.)

Here are some things I love about Mike and Gadi:

— They are incredibly well informed and I always learn something.

— They don’t mince words or pander to anyone. Gadi doesn’t waste time saying, “I don’t like everything Netanyahu does” and Mike doesn’t waste time saying, “I don’t like everything Trump does.” I know that Gadi lost a ton of friends and was basically cancelled when he left the Left in Israel… Mike, I think, has always been a conservative. Whatever their pasts, they are not apologizing to anyone, real or imagined.

— They disagree in a gentlemanly, agreeable manner. No name calling or getting hysterical. It reminds me of the golden days of Crossfire with John Sununu and Michael Kinsley.

— They are really, really funny in a way that you have to be pretty intelligent to understand. No low brow humor of the kind that I find irritating.

— Gadi is just supermodel gorgeous, and Mike looks like he wakes up dressed in a well-pressed well-tailored suit with perfectly combed gray hair. Two archetypes that I find incredibly hot: the Tom Cruise on a motorcycle flying to save the world guy and the sharp well-dressed intellectual gentleman in a suit.

— They speak calmly in a world where it seems most people alternate between shouting and sobbing.

I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who watches Israel Update as much for the porn as for the informational content. The two go together. If you are a Zionist straight female and can tell me with a straight face that you do not find Gadi Taub quite excellent to watch, with all sisterly respect, I do not believe you.

The great thing about married men who are far away and extremely unavailable is that they can be wonderful entertainment without inconveniencing me in any way. I just tune them in when I want information or to be cheered up. They don’t expect me to DO anything. In fact, it would be quite alarming if I did.

Fantasy super heroes, fictional or real, do not need to show up for emotional support, figure out how to put together an Ikea chair, or lift heavy objects for me. It would all be quite ruined if they did. The whole point is the fantasy. I’d love to have coffee with Gadi in Tel Aviv, but even that would be on some level a fantasy. A brief step out of time and space into another world that I can’t live in.

Someday perhaps articles for Tablet Magazine or its little brother The Scroll will come out under my byline. I’m a subscriber to Tablet, and it was my inspiration for my first article on Israel. I owe so much of what I currently think and do to Tablet. If it weren’t for Tablet, and Eve Barlow, I wouldn’t have most of my worldwide family friends!

Don’t get me wrong - I like real, actual men who I can see in person and whose existence can be verified. There are many good things about them that I’m sure need not detain us here.

But sometimes, as Billy Joel says, a fantasy is all you need.

Gadi and his cat. Can you imagine how much work it took for me to get that screenshot just right? Look at that cat!!!!

I can imagine the conversation on Israel Update:

Mike: Gadi, it seems we’ve now gone from amusing to porn.

Gadi: Yes, Mike, I think this is getting a bit out of control…

Mike: No, Gadi, it means our American audience is growing! Make sure they see your cat!

Of course I mostly watch it for the information. Like men used to say they read Playboy for the articles. Yeah, like that.