Friends and Allies

When your friends aren't your friends, be open to allies

I am friends with journalist Mark Judge. We became friends months ago when I read an article he wrote in 2004, and then his book. We disagree on a great many things, but we also agree on some very important things, like the beauty of passion, being pro-union, and lately we’ve discovered that we are both very much in support of our Jewish brothers and sisters here and in Israel. Here is his latest article on the third topic: From Crucifying Kavanaugh to Defending Hamas: The Left’s Hypocrisy on Sexual Violence.

I am no fan of Justice Kavanaugh’s politics, but after reading Mark’s book, The Devil’s Triangle, I became deeply concerned about the tactics that almost ruined the life of an innocent person who was minding his own business, not running for anything or attempting to be appointed to anything, and was forced to go into hiding and unable to make a living because he was a convenient figure to drag into a fight he wanted nothing to do with. It could happen to any of us, really, if we are friends with someone who might, someday, end up in a confirmation hearing or running for high office. I have wondered if it could happen to me. I recommend that you check out his book before you make up your mind.

Mark and I disagree on some major issues that are important to me. But we find a lot of common ground, and focus on that, rather than debating in circles about things that neither of us control. Mark has been a great friend and mentor in journalism to me. I am happy to see him coming out in support of the Israeli women who were brutally raped, tortured and kidnapped. Don’t expect any sugar-coating or wishy-washy “Yes, but…” from Mark Judge. Thank any divine power at all for that.

In these times, many who thought they were on the Left are seeing those they marched with, stood with, voted with, and fought for, either stab them in the back politically or publicly express the desire to slit their throats. So many of my Jewish friends on the Left have written me privately about their disappointment with groups they once thought would support them just like Jews had supported marginalized groups.

A friend in Boston shared in my previous article:

I think it’s really important for people on the Left to hear this. Jews in my synagogue are feeling abandoned and betrayed by so many people they previously thought of as allies. I think it’s important for these activists to realize that when they refuse to condemn the actions of Hamas (or even celebrate them!), they’re doing irreparable damage to their relationships with a group that has historically shown up and fought hard for social justice in this country. Folks in my synagogue who have, time and time again, marched in BLM protests will be far less likely to do so in the future, not because they don’t believe black lives matter but because they simply can’t walk in solidarity with people who were happy to throw them under the bus when they needed support.

Some are starting to rethink who their friends are and who might not be.

Now might also be a good time to think about who our allies are.

You don’t have to go to bed with your allies, have coffee with them, invite them to your home for dinner (it would be nice if someone would invite me, but I’m your friend, right???) or agree with them on everything. You may well disagree very publicly about some things. But let’s think carefully, right now, about who we have common cause with.

It could be downright suicidal to let those we thought were our friends abandon us, and yet refuse to consider the possibility that some who may never be our friends could be our allies.

For instance, I am and will always be pro-union. I have joined with many people with whom I at times disagreed to build and support strong unions so that the greater mission of workers having a voice on the job could be accomplished. I will continue to stand for the right of workers to collective bargaining and a safe, fair place to work.

It has gone out of fashion in the time since I was in school and now to work with those with whom you disagree. As I will elaborate in a future article, I learned how to work with people with whom I disagree in that great learning lab of political strategy, the Yale Political Union. I did in fact, go to bed with, have coffee with, and have to my home for dinner and many a dessert party people with whom I disagreed. It was just part of our social fabric. We learned to work together, a skill that I fear is sadly lacking in many of today’s young. And old. And everywhere.

As Ser Davos said in Game of Thrones (you didn’t think I could go forever without quoting GoT, did you?) “If we don’t put aside our emnities, we will die.”

Jon Snow never thought he’d be making common cause with a Targaryen, but a) he had to defeat the Army of the Dead b) Daenerys was hot AF. Those, to me, are two good reasons to put aside our emnities and fight like hell for the living.

A final GoT quote, to lighten our spirits a bit.

When Daenerys marches her army North, Sansa is not so excited about her brother’s new girlfriend/Queen. Daenerys is attempting to point out that she has shown up to save their freezing asses from certain destruction at the hands of a zombie army. She points out that she has brought however many Dothraki (only took her a year to learn Dothraki, a fact that I internalized), however many Unsullied, and two full grown dragons.

“What do two full grown dragons eat?” Sansa asks Daenerys.

“Whatever they want.”

These will hatch any minute now. And when they do…