Don't take Childless Cat Ladies for Granted
I vote with my Cat.
I have a bracelet that a friend gave me that spells out “Cat Ladies for Kamela” in beads. I don’t think I have ever seen anything that said, “Cat ladies for Trump.” J.D. Vance made history and tons of enemies by singling out childless cat ladies for scorn, and lots of people jumped on board. I’ve been amazed though not surprised at how many of those I consider friends and allies seem to jump at the opportunity to attack women without children. We are accused of everything from being selfish to having too much free time. As though someone else is entitled to our time?
It is assumed that a white woman without children and with a cat or cats is a Democrat, supports Harris, and any number of other things, up to and including hates men but wants a man but can’t get one, hates children but wants to control the country, and sacrifices babies in the pale moonlight.
The only thing anyone should assume about cat ladies is that we are in favor of… wait for it…
CATS!!!
We love cats. I suggest we use the tremendous political influence that is suddenly ascribed to us and all that free time (mythical though both may be) to support the only cause that matters: the cause of cats!
Democrats take me for granted. I have never voted anything but Democrat in my life. I registered for the first Bill Clinton election and never changed. I’ve voted in almost every election, big and small. Democrats assume that women like me will vote for them because abortion rights, no matter what. And they might be right. But I think they should be a little less confident.
If they want my vote, they should do something for me and my people, or more purrcisely, my cats.
Here is a small number of suggestions on how to win the hearts, minds and votes of the legions of all-powerful childless cat ladies:
Donate a lot of money to no-kill cat shelters.
Rich politicians with giant houses: foster twelve cats! No fewer! What are you doing with all that space? You aren’t even there.
Take tons of pictures of yourself with said foster cats. Pet them convincingly. Listen to them as though they are voters. Wait, you don’t listen to voters. Listen to them as though they are donors! Yes, each cat has $1 million and will only donate it to you if you pet, feed and love properly.
Sponsor cat food and cat litter giveaways in poor areas where people are trying to feed their beloved cats.
Give a scholarship to a veterinary school in the name of your favorite cat. If you don’t have a favorite cat, give it in the name of my cat.
Promise to install a First Cat in the White House. Give this cat a more dignified name than “Socks,” and make sure it’s a rescue. While we love all cats, us childless cat ladies tend to root for the under… cat. As in a rescue.
Promise to introduce legislation to include cat care under conditions for which a person may take an unpaid Family Medical Leave. What’s good for cats is good for business!
Pledge to encourage cat-friendly education, where instead of being taught that Israel is not a country, public school children will learn all about the proper care, feeding and respect for cats!
These are small steps, but small steps in the right direction.
This Sunday I am excited to be walking in a 5k to raise money for cat shelters in Philadelphia. I will be walking with two cat lady friends, one of whom has two human children. I have decided to wear as much cat apparel as possible, so as to completely own the label of childless cat lady. If you have any you are no longer wearing and wish to send to me, I can give you my shipping address.
I’ve believed in so many things that have disappointed me. The labor movement, the progressive movement, public education, to name just a few. But one thing never disappoints: the almighty cat. I will stand paw to paw with my cat in defending her and her fellows’ rights to life, liberty and a soft bed with yummy treats and a cuddly human.
Do not take Childless Cat Ladies for granted. Our bite is MUCH worse than our bark.
