Counting on my Fingers

Fighting for the American Dream... dreaming of Israel

My students were taking the math portion of the standardized tests today, and I saw a few counting on their fingers. It reminded me of how I count the time difference between here and Israel on my fingers. Ari used to think that was cute. He told me that they use military time and I could just add, but why do that when it’s so much more fun to count on my fingers? Counting it out on my fingers makes me think of flying there… one time zone… two time zones…

While I watched the kids take the test (my job is to “actively monitor” which means staring at children taking a test and getting them pencils if they need them) I noticed, not for the first time, the American flag hanging at the top of the high ceiling of the classroom. No one makes much reference to it. We don’t say the pledge or anything. Yet there we are, the staff anyway, fighting for the American dream for these kids. It’s so frustrating to be fighting against a culture that is antithetical to getting a good job, maybe owning a home, having and supporting a stable family. Yet we try.

I calculated the time in Israel. It would have been 4:37 pm Israel time or whatever that is in military time at the instant I counted it out. Wondered what my friend are doing. I always pray for their safety, and the safety of the soldiers, yet wondering what they are doing in ordinary moments takes up quite a few thoughts. Ari wrote and told me a lot about “the new normal” that is not normal at all. But Israelis go on, and so must I.

A friend has suggested that I visit the Conservative synagogue, and I think I will. It’s just hard right now to get up the energy on Friday night to do anything but sit still with the cat. Summer is coming, and I will have more freedom them.

I have not stopped considering conversion. The Reform synagogue seeming to turn so hard against Israel was more shocking than perhaps at first was apparent. I would say I’ve moved so far to the right of my American Jewish friends (real world ones) but I actually started there. I’ve always been about where I am now, I just didn’t know there were words for it. It was Gadi’s Sorry, But There Is No Two State Solution that was my real political awakening. February of last year… have I been following Gadi that long? I know I have since the beginning of Israel Update. It just made sense to me.

A former friend got very upset with me on Facebook and unfriended me when I posted that article. Oh well. Every so-called friend lost has been replaced by many, many more new friends.

I had already known Ari for a few months before I ran across Gadi’s work, and I started reading Tablet before I wrote my first published piece on the issue, I Stand With My Jewish Friends. At one point a telephone pole almost collided with my head, which was (against my better judgement - I try not to text and walk) buried in What’s App texting Jerusalem. I’m sure I’m far from alone. Those with family in Israel must have to live a strange balance between trying to be fully present here and almost being there.

How do we act “normal” when things are far from normal here, and our friends and family are at war, fighting for all of us?

Acting normal is not something one does in an urban public school, so no one notices. I never mention my politics or anything of the sort, and no one would intuit that my bright blue manicure with silver accent nails is code for the Israeli flag. Only my father ever figured that one out.

I wish I could talk to him about so many things.

I’m off to the cat shelter for my weekly volunteer shift, then another day, attempting to give kids a chance at the American dream. Or at any dream whatsoever.