Black Cat Jesus

Looking for a religious home for Lent

I do not believe that the historical Jesus was a black cat. Let’s just get that out there.

In fact, I’ve never been all that concerned about the historical Jesus: whether really rose from the dead, really turned water into wine, and all that. If he had turned water into Diet Coke, I’d like to have a talk with him, but even in my moments when I’ve felt in personal contact with some kind of spiritual form of Jesus, my water has remained water and Diet Coke has had to be purchased at a store. The story of the resurrection is a beautiful and powerful one, historically true or not.

After a few years of exploring if I might convert to Judaism, as I’ve written about extensively here, I’ve decided that while I’m extremely supportive of Israel and the Jewish people worldwide, I’m not Jewish. I was not born or raised Jewish, and while I definitely feel like a friend, I would always be an outsider. The many rabbis I met with to discuss it were incredibly nice and caring, and I’m so grateful for their time and sincere willingness to help me figure out where I was going on my spiritual journey. I loved the pineapple on the fruit tray at the Reform synagogue I went to for awhile, but man can not live by pineapple alone.

The season of Lent and Easter have always been very meaningful to me. I love the spirit of contemplation during Lent, in preparation for Easter. I miss the days when I would go to Lenten Soup Suppers at my church. Religion, for me, should involve a potluck.

The church I grew up in and attended most of my life was/is very progressive. We used to distinguish ourselves from other kinds of churches. I would say things like, “We’re the good kind of Christian,” and I’d point to our record on ordaining women, gays and lesbians, civil rights, all that. I’m still proud of that part of the tradition I grew up in.

These days, it seems, that church has become all about left wing politics. The Facebook pages of two pastors whose churches I’ve attended - one of which I was a very active member of for years - are constant rants about the issue of the day. I love and respect both of these pastors, and one has been particularly helpful to me at difficult times in my life. But I stopped going to that church a while back because I just didn’t want to participate in a political meeting every Sunday morning. If I want a political rally, I can very easily find one without leaving my neighborhood. I go to church for something different.

I really don’t want to discuss politics at church. I’d like to be able to go to church, pray, and be quiet in the presence of God.

Lent is supposed to be a time of introspection, fasting and prayer. Not everyone fasts during Lent but many people practice some kind of discipline. I wonder if all of this ranting about “what’s going on in the world” is a convenient distraction from asking, “What’s going on with me?”

Introspection doesn’t happen with a bullhorn. It happens in silence.

The first Zendo where I ever practiced, in Jersey City, was led by Father/Roshi Robert Kennedy (not the HHS one, not the dead one, the Jesuit/Roshi one!)

He led a Lenten Ango, which in Buddhist tradition is a time of special meditation. The monks would have an Ango when they were under attack so that they could save calories and avoid starvation by meditating. We didn’t have to do that, but we would sit a special half hour every day at 5 pm. At his retreats, Roshi would give a liturgy and communion at the end. He’s a Jesuit, he can give communion to anyone he wants.

I loved the Ango because it was a quiet discipline. At the end of the workday, rather than getting on the computer or calling a friend or family member, I’d take a half hour to sit zazen (that’s Zen meditation) on Zoom with people from all over the world. Roshi would read Scripture before we started, then we would all sit quietly together. I wonder if they are doing it again this year.

Mark Judge thinks I should become a Catholic. I’m already a Cat-a-holic, how different can it be?

There is a beautiful, old giant Catholic church just about a ten minute walk away. I’ve been before. I may start going again. At least Catholic churches are pretty quiet.

It’s been too many days off from school, too many days without a shift when I was up and ready to work. At least I got to see my mom yesterday. God willing we will celebrate Easter together. Her birthday often falls on Easter and I used to tell her she should dress up as the Bunny. Maybe she will this year? I’m pretty sure that after 80 you can do that and no one minds at all. Maybe we will at least wear our bunny earrings!

I just posted on Facebook: “Is anyone doing anything fun for Ash Wednesday?” For my Jewish friends, that’s a joke. Ash Wednesday is when we get ashes on our heads and mark the start of Lent. Pro tip: don’t tell your Christian friends that they have something on their faces on Ash Wednesday.

Maybe I’ll go to the Catholic church. I don’t take communion because I’m not a baptized Catholic, but I still enjoy the services. Am I allowed to light a candle? There are so many people I pray for.

Cats too. I pray for cats.