Adult Bok Choy

Safe for work?

I was walking in the farmers’ market yesterday while on my standing Saturday morning call with my former partner and close friend who does not allow his name to be used which is fine.

One of the farm stands had beautiful, giant bok choy. Not baby bok choy. Grown up bok choy.

“I can’t remember the last time I saw adult bok choy,” he said. He is an expert on greens, so he would know.

I used to feel bad about eating baby spinach or baby arugula. Is it child labor? Then I gradually came to the realization that it is a plant. (Y’all know I’m messing with you right?)

I bought the bok choy and enjoyed it in a salad for lunch. Now I am packing my lunch for tomorrow, and I ask myself, “Is adult bok choy safe for work?”

“Adult” is often a euphemism for either sexual content or alcoholic beverages. “Adult content.” “Adult beverages.”

Am I sketchy for lusting after adult greens? At least they are definitely past the age of consent. These bok choy have been around the block. I respect that. One grows tired of innocence after a while, and might find a grown up salad quite satisfying.

The first time my ex came to visit me, we spent a week at a house my father and step-mother had at the Outer Banks. My ex was nothing if not a picky eater, so he sent me an extensive grocery list. Since I thought I was auditioning for wifey (Heaven save us from our early thirties, please! If any of you are in your early thirties, I am so sorry. It passes - don’t commit to anything!), I was very careful to get all the right items.

One of the items he listed was, “neutral greens.”

WTF is that?

I asked my mother.

“Swiss chard,” she suggested. I still really don’t know what the hell he meant, but there he is texting me now from the other side of the country, almost twenty years later, so it all worked out right in the end.

This is Swiss chard. Is it really Swiss? Is it neutral?